The emotions involved in HD are overwhelming at times. It is like our sensitivity meter is doing overtime. Everything seems much bigger than it actually is. Having HD means living with a roller coaster ride of emotions every day.
It starts with irritation, irritation becomes anger, and then anger becomes rage on rare occasions. So nipping irritation in the the bud is sometimes a way to steer clear of both the anger and extreme anger (rage).
In one of the HD videos I was lent by the HSC, it talked about the problems with HD people controlling their emotions. They gave an example of a farmer's gate. The farmer is branding his cattle so every time he wants another one to brand he must open the gate, let one through, then close the gate.
But all of a sudden the gate starts opening and closing of it own will. Cows are running in and out and there is chaos as there is now no way to control the flow of cattle. This represents the person with HD. Alot of the time we can not control our emotional flood gate.
Our gate opens and closes on its own all the time. The gate does not open a little at a time, it either opens a lot or not at all. When it opens a lot it is an over reaction. When it does not open enough, or at all, it is an underreaction. (I think it is the lack of the gate opening at the right time that makes people think people with HD are apathetic sometimes.) I know my facial expression is often blank so people have a harder time reading me.
When the flood gate flies open there is a flood of emotions. It is out and over the top before you even see it coming. Then you are apologizing for your behavior, and you feel like an ass. You can not control it as it is happening but you are very much aware of what you have said and done after the storm.
Temper outbursts are difficult for both the PHD and family members. Especially when these outbursts progress to violence.
The caregiver really has no choice but to place their loved one into care when violence becomes a real problem. Most caregivers have promised their mates to look after them forever
and breaking that promise just breaks their hearts. But forever is never really forever, it is for as long as the caregiver can handle it. And rightfully so, no one should ever have to live in fear, regardless of the reason. Especially where kids are involved.
However, knowing that to a large degree the person with HD can not help the temper outbursts it is sad that they will be held accountable for behavior that they can not help and in some cases hate themselves for. People do need to take responsibility for their actions, but at the same time allowances must be made for the HD. It is a hard position to be in and an emotionally charged issue.
I am not worried about my family putting me into care, I am more worried that they will try to hold out too long. If I lose my self control and become violent I have asked to to put into care at that time. I do not want to hurt any of the people I love. I do not want to hurt anyone.
Self control is another thing that people with HD lose. I know it is only self control at this point that stops me from unleashing the HD rage. I have felt the rage a few times, it is scary. I feel an overwhelming desire to destroy something when I feel the rage. But self control pulls me back, for now anyways.
When the anger hits I really have no safe place to direct that energy to. I can snap at a loved one, I can shut down emotionally, or I can walk away to get it together. My first reaction is usually to shut down. I make a real effort to try to verbalize what it is that is setting me off. Though sometimes I have to wait until after the fact to understand what tripped the switch.
I know for myself it is usually a combination of irritating things together that will set my anger off. I try to redirect myself at the irritation stage, but it does not always work. For example when I drop the pen the first time I can laugh at it. But by the time I have picked it up a third time I am ready to throw it across the room. So from irritation to angry in seconds flat.
Usually it is my symptoms that make me angry. When I over react it usually has to do with my inability to do something. And rather than ask for help I try to push through and end up frustrated. One thing I have noticed is that when my irritation starts to build, I start to swear when I am trying to verbalize what is happening. I don't know why that is, but because I am aware of it, I use it as a red flag to tell me to walk away from whatever I am trying to do, because anger comes next.
I have discussed my limited patience with my symptoms with my HD psychiatrist. He asked me if I would get angry at myself for coughing and sneezing when I have a cold. I told him of course not, coughing and sneezing is part of having a cold . He said it was the same with my HD. It was not fair to beat myself up for symptoms that are part of the HD that I can not help. It made logical sense, and I try to have more patience with myself.
Knowing what sets your HD loved ones off is a big piece of the puzzle. There usually is an entry point to the anger, a trigger of some kind. Usually about sixty seconds or less before the outburst if you were to track backwards.
Family members' reactions to the initial outburst can sometimes either fizz it out before it gets started, or add fuel to the fire. Patience is like a fire extinguisher. Mind you no one has all the patience all the time, it is hard to stay patient when the PHD is not being reasonable or rational. Repeatedly.
Telling a person with HD to stop being angry or trying to dismiss their overreaction does not work. Asking them what set them off and trying to calmly work together as a team towards resolution is always your best bet. Sometimes your PHD needs your understanding and love the most, when they deserve it the least.
To have the best chance of keeping the outbursts to a minimum try to make sure your PHD is: getting enough rest, not being over heated, eating regularily, and not overdoing it and exerting too much physical energy. And provide some quiet time if they are feeling emotionally or cognitively overwhelmed.
In anger management booklets they tell you to look for the signs of irritation before the anger --the precursors if you will. If caregivers and people with HD can recognise those signs there is a chance to redirect it before it builds to anger.
